What everything still looks like: Mourning against the wrath of a blinding communist

I still feel extremely lied against, cheated, raped, robbed in many ways. This has been a long term suffering. People can claim that have understanding of freedom and what it is to be controlling or a sore loser but the truth of action in real life is not there. Of all the extreme ways I get man-hunted, interrogated, and yelled at, it's still not the same civility on both ends and I've never made it my job to be a man-hunter/interrogator. Of course, this is all another impossible thing to say with the current protesting crisis. I have to keep my enslaved crying tears and thoughts to myself. Blogging doesn't entirely keep it to myself but I have never forced anyone to read my blogs. I got to be sensitive but my truth that has always been interrupted in some ways or another is still there..... I'm so mad that I don't get related with or recognized enough. I've hated being stalked and unknown in many aspects but I also hated being forced into being someone's blow up doll because they don't know what it means to face a person and have any grit. They force you to be whatever they want you to be because it works for them and is convenient for them. Do they ever get scolded for their rape and lies and forceful actions the ways I get man-hunted to my face?! Why doesn't someone recognize when a person wants to be called my know it all master and giving theirself some certain credits? How do people not seem to recognize or understand how much of a provocation and threat it is against me when a person treats theirself as my "Master," and give their self the credit of having me and understanding what it is to have me? How can someone not see how serious and severe of a crime it is to kill me with a "Master" gesture? What is not to get about my anger? Not in the worse unfair uncivil way. I am raped to my face. I am grossly ignored to my face. Some men just don't understand the quitter I never was to my anger. Like being forced to be a lesbian was going to relieve me of my anger; they've always been their worst arrogant fool and I've been ignored for years with them giving their self credit like they are the answer to my problem. And this is one example of the insufferable cheated and lied against mishad and raped victim I am. Men typically never take the fall for their actions and they won't be taken with two sides of the story actions. They avoid and make things worse by disguising one issue to another issue ONLY FOR ME TO FUCKING COME BACK TO THE SAME ISSUE LATER LIKE I'VE NEVER HAD ANY ISSUES AND LIKE I'VE NEVER EXISTED. THE CHEATING ROBBERS KEEP ME IGNORED. ON TOP OF THAT MEN TYPICALLY DON'T HAVE THE DECENCY TO RECOGNIZE AND/OR ADMIT TO HOW HATEFUL AND HOW MUCH OF A JEALOUSY IT IS TO KEEP A WOMAN MISTREATED THE WAY THEY DO. EVERYTHING IS MISALIGNED. Some have more of a grit but they remain way too dominant and still won't have enough of an understanding with the way they stay way too dominant. They make me feel so unwanted and rejected with what they put me through and while I can't change my feelings of despair and feeling jaded, they won't stop keeping things worse when they want to push me into a lesbian blow up doll. I was possessed to be wasted and I can't save myself. I hate the way there is a hateful communist always wanting to stand in my way and get in my face somewhere for me to be the same insufferable victim. They are such a sore loser for their dominant compliment. They can't be anymore of a Gadaffi than that.

Selling the Personal Guantanamo against me and the it of it's will to have it's dominate kill

I know there will be another molesting cannibal that gives itself the glory that it was it's choice to give me the permission to commit suicide if I ever were to. There is an "it" to the media, and "it" to Guantanamo and the ATK rapist Stockholm. I know there have been times that I have been stood up for against police brutality, ignorance, and judgment. I don't feel like I have been given justice enough and the "it" of the authoritative argumentative "suck it you are the bad guy," is still there. I mean I really need more justice than what I've been getting. I'm far from denying myself in having my bloodthirst like I know there is no shame to my bloodthirst. I've already said so many times how vain people are but I just can't find ways to make it effective enough with just how much of a mean, vain, hard head of a sex offender I have. … I get stockholmed in many ways and I know some whats in one of the stockholms I'm in, especially with Guantanamo. Guantanamo is the biggest fear monger of any Stockholm. Guantanamo is the biggest restrainer and isolator of a Stockholm. Guantanamo lives over me constantly obsessing and being desperate with it's will to have it's dominate kill that it greatly wants me to commit suicide with how authoritatively, judgmentally, and rapistly obsessed it is with me. I know that I see it for the violent jealous judgmental rape that it is. It fights against giving any satisfaction. Even though I'm isolated, kidnapped, and restrained, the rapist it is extremely vain, the credit is already there, the dominate kill is always there, and there is nothing being taken from it when it's information is being said and given away. All of this most extreme violence, judgment, and rape because I jerked off a dog when I was younger. The rapist Guantanamo soldier is extremely vain. I'm still made to be the bad guy to someone's extreme rape and terror. I'm going to throw what I think of Chris's ego and other extreme egos that I do know of in the sale. It's a dead giveaway of a control mechanism. Besides the fear, sadism, and control it wants to have, it sometimes wishes that I would just be the molested bestial rebel and go all out and take bestiality more seriously to tell the interrogation and judgment to go fuck itself another way. I'm molested either way "since" being bestial or a petri dish will always be my most dominate "truth," and I should just give in "to the truth of my nature." Like any person you can never win with and be forced to give in, you might as well be forced to give in lest you be all the more molested. I wouldn't be surprised if Chris Letang sucked a dog's dick or made his dick a dog's most willing chew toy just to be that molester against me. And, if you haven't been that molested bestial Betty Paige rebel Chris, I do wish for the eye for an eye of the Guantanamo soldier letting dogs or any living thing have your genitals owned and used as a chew toy. I will never understand what's not to understand about the sexual offense and rape it is. I do not understand how people would ever think their judgment, prosecution, and punishment will ever think it is right, but it is the most extreme violent truth that some cannibal people more than violently let their self have. FEARMONGERING SOLD. All of this being said, I still don't know what to do about any of it. What do you do when you have a rape like that wanting to live over you with the most murderous and jealous rapist obsession? I've been both silent and talked about it some. Besides me knowing it's been far from my choice, it's something I know I have no control with. It is the most violent and cold blooded thing for a person to want to never stop countering me with in wanting to argue with it being right and their rite. I just can't say just how vain some people are enough. There is nothing I can do on my end and whatever ways I probably have been lied against with the way some people want to say I suck it, I keep the suck it credit Guantanamo wants to give itself denied. I have nothing to lose and I would rather be dead. Information sold. Whatever way the sold information will or won't be given its satisfaction, my name is Puddintane.

For the Sake of Showing I Care

What do I care about? Being respectful and accepting of other's body types, and especially in this instance: a man's body. I'm not crazy over gaga but three cheers for her song "Born This Way." I honestly have a hard apology right now because of extremeness, terrible manipulators, and people who give theirself terrible rights. So many years ago, probably 10 by now, I said a terrible thing about small penis's. It wasn't even a blog. It was a private conversation between a friend and I, and the issue was never made to be big. The monster that has been made of me has been made too big and vile. I am upset over the monster that has been made of me, and the way people want to find another vindictive excuse to keep forcing me to "live myself down and feel a lowlife inferior. I deserve to be made a slave of." Whether or not some dominate men are comparing me to theirself over other things or not; I'm pretty upset that they would want to go Chicago on me and think that I'm comparatively the same as some barbarians and extreme violent experiences that I've had to experience. It is how some people respond when people have their own problems with others: they want to conquestially argue and compete over who or what the bigger problem is. (In the most sensitive way, it is not the penis size; it is the monster that is being made of me that is my problem).... I know I'm not a stalker, harasser, muslim who makes up and believes in sharia laws, and monster. I feel I'm in such an impossible position right now because I know I'm still being stalked, ganged up on, threatened, trash talked, and black-mailed; and having any sincere apology is easier said than done. It's not that I even mean to use their cut throat blackmails as a weapon with my silence. I can tell this is a very sensitive issue with some men but I'm tired of the threats, blackmails, and excuses and rights some men want to make or feel they deserve to have. Amongst other issues, I know I am an extremely judged, punished, and scapegoated woman. Because of the monstrosity of the issue and the monster that has been made of me; people are messing with the wrong victim and the wrong woman. I have no other choice than to be forced into my own personal cry for help. I care that I upset and hurt some people and I care about the tumor of an extreme rumor that has been made of me. I never wanted to make smaller sized men sincerely feel like an amoeba or plankton. I'm still putting my personal needs before some men because I know it has already gone too far. I'm not willingly sacrificing my life for any man to feel he has the right to do whatever worse and extreme punishment to me.

The Bargain: Hey big juicy steak

I'm glad you care that I care and that it looks that appetizing to you. ... Do I still think I am overreacting? NO. It really is a womanizing move and while I have a little appreciation for you appreciation, my main issue is still looked over. Through the years of being lied against and buried alive, I know how the burn feels to have my self worth and/or confidence denied as if I felt inferior to another. It is a painful experience that I can't always endure or ignore. Depending on the level of chauvinism, vainness, honesty, and fairness: it depends on how responsive I am. Yes, my breasts can be comparatively smaller than other women, but do I make the choice to compromise myself; to deny my self worth; to let it define my supremacy or inferiority? NO. And you fail to notice the bitch of a problem it has been and how much it has always been worth it to me to stay alone and on my own. I still feel my life is on the line and at risk in some ways where I would willingly deny my self worth for the sake of another woman AND I AM NOT DENYING MY SELF WORTH. Jack, I'm sorry for the steak I am in a few other men's eyes. I know I direct my conversations to you and I'm not out to make our problems worse. I'm just saying your will to womanize me and make me a piece of meat just isn't going to be enough for me. My Ariana is still wrestling with you. I won't give up on my self worth and give myself up for the sake of someone else against my respect. It hurts to have to spell out what your actions look like to me and the way you don't seem to understand what it all means to me. You've got to love me harder and make me feel accepted. I may not make as much money as a boob job, but I'm more satisfied to make the decent amount I make and not be a sell out. I know I'm a sell out in some ways, but I'm not a sell out in all ways, and I will walk away knowing I've never made the choice to be an entire sell out. huh! Please don't be mysterious with this anymore, and instead please make a final break to my heart, or keep my heart from breaking anymore than it already has.

breaking out anyway

I hate how unfair the world is. I hate feeling helpless. Either way, I'm still not going to say his name. I was given such a great mind fantasy and he ruined it. I'm not sure how it all works. I never said I was a professional with nuclear science or whatever. I'm just back to not getting it. Why was I given such an incredible fantasy like that where he seemed to want it real bad too, but then it was a bubble burst. He is either another random guy coming along or maybe he is just another tool to break me in some way for some reason even if it was an emotional cry or break. I've always known the majority to be terrible and arrogant judges of character who are being just desperate predators but this guy in particular mostly won at being a predator. What is this; a neverending predator contest amongst some men? That was so mean. I wanted to try to approach him a little better to purrrr at him, but he done ruined it. Stupid man. Back to everyday life. What a hectic and busy past few weeks it has been. Time stressors. So much to do and so much left to do with not enough time. Not complaining about the job. I am making a decent amount of money that needs to keep being made. Shopping, swimming, cleaning, working on crafts, the list never ends.

thoughts of the day

With all the info, I'm just going to have my main focuses to Mr. Obvious. He knows who he is, and in this instance, I am not talking to Jon Stewart. He is probably included in some of the same arbitrage, but I'm not talking to him.
Mr. Obvious......... ~If I were to say "no," I don't really think you would listen * You have the bigger "no," anyway for two obvious reasons, so I don't even have to worry about saying "no." The two obvious reasons are that you are saying Benecio is included in your arbitrage and you are that morbid of a man; and the other is that you already have a mutual love with someone else. I don't know why you led me on to begin with. Breaking in my head in some instances, I know you can hear me. Although I feel a little trapped by my own obviousness, Sherlock, I would still rat on you if you did inject me with a needle or some type of drug. Yes, I would rat.
I don't have anything else to say for now.

Dear Mr. Trump

What shall we discuss in today's personal meeting? lol. Actually, a mesh of emotions: my present overall opinion of you, you're professionalism, and you being an enemy. This gives me the ability to continue on in conversation..... A few random things I could talk about but I do have some main thoughts..... I do think you are responsible for some troubles in my life, but like I've said before, I do not blame you over everything. Jon Stewart is one of the main people who is the reason for a lot of emotional distress and rage. But, in the shadiness of bullshit mountain I wouldn't be surprised if he had a bisexual relationship with you too, which makes pretty much entirely all conversation with you even more awkward. Jon was and still would be such a violently and sickly tainted relationship (for lots of reasons obviously).  I know you yourself have already referred to him as lewd but I see it in a more extreme way than just lewd. Enough talk about him.
I have been in long, aggravated distress over the job issue. While I can definitely see you as professional, I also see you as being corrupt with disagreeable ethics. I understand you value Beauty queens, I wouldn't be surprised if I havn't already offended you. One personal thing about myself isn't that I trash the concept of beauty; I just would never put it in such a high place as you, and I would never consider myself to have ever been idolizing of it. Not even when it comes to beautiful or handome men.
Besides my overall distrust of your ethics and management; I am pursuaded to believe about you that a lot of your decision-making is based on both shared values and a beauty contest.
I may have well nearly been told to commit suicide for being born with small breasts, but I never would believe that I would be rejected from a job over them. It simply is sexual harassment and discrimination (but with the way it has been handled it could be seen as being a very severe sexual harassment). However, it has been said in such a broad way that it appears I am permanently discriminated against from having any job. I have been so offended at the issue; I have hardly even taken the time to bicker about energy itself. I can talk about oil sometimes, but in the oppressive issue that it is itself, I've never elaborated in that different perspective. I've never seen it to ever be of any reason to have to explain or beg over the issue of energy.
Maybe it isn't just my small breasts, but also not pretty enough; or not skinny enough; or maybe just not curvy enough. I know for myself the number of jobs that I have realistically applied to were never applying to be a prostitute or stripper even though I have provoked the idea of being a stripper (that was never directed in whatever workplace to begin with) (an actual strip club).
I do think it is a disgrace that you would center a job around either a sexual ego or have it to be sexual-based for excuses to support the socialist communism of motivation and energy. You and Obama are both responisble for the type of government, whatever your other disagreements are. Neither of you may not always be easy to read or follow when it comes to who is responsible for what, but you practically have the same major foundation. It really does surprise me when you would go Repulican.
I know you have never been my direct manager at any real job, but besides the structured say of my employment history, I know I am better than the structured say.